i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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