It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've blown a few things in my day
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
