margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
