ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
