I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
