Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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