If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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