Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
