I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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