The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
