Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
