Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
