I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize