david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize