If i come over, it means nothing
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
