I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
