Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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