i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
