tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
false alarm, still single
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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