Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize