Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
