dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
