do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my shit smells like andre
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
