I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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