am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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