I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
