His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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