I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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