i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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