My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
