marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
