Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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