Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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