the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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