the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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