from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
