It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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