is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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