Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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