I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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