The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
