I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize