Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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