I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
