Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
