You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
