Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We were destined to go to rehab together
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