i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
