she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i out mim tonsoeep
I think I just sharted jello shots
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
