hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
