I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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