I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
