When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
