YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
