it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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