Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He did a backflip because drugs
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize