is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
