So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
