Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
