I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
