Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
