I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
