the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
