Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize