so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize