Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
