is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize