Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
