in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
